she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
