She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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