I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
