Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
