So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
