i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
