Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
