you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
