why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize