I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
