I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
