frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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