Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
the condom got lost in my hair
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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