one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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