She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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