she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
