hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
