i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
