you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
MIDGETS
????
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
