just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
