Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize