I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
