and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
