I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
