if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
