I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize