Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
just tell him i said nine months
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
