honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
