I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
