Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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