hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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