You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
