She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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