i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize