If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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