i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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