We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
