you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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