I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
