well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
