Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
