He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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