She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
