If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
