i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
