if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
