currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
