he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
