Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
