So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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