Screwed.edu
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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