Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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