I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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