I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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