didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
