TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
