Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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