I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
