dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
