I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
