So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
