it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
