God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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