You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
