just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
