And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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