in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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