who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
