Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
