I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
