six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize