i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Rumble strips road head = magical
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
