I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
