The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
