You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
