dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
