Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She tied me up with her honor cords...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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