Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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