Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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