Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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