Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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