it was like eating out sand paper
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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