Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
And then my night got REAL pukey
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
